A Letter to the Person I Never Got an Apology Fromfeatured

Today, I am writing a letter to the person I never got an apology from. The purpose of my blog is to write about the stuff we never learned about in school and the pain in my fingers as I write this is a lesson in itself…

Dear Person I Never Got an Apology From,

I have waited a few years for you to show up out of the blue and tell me that you are sorry. To tell me that you genuinely feel bad for hurting me over the course of many years, to tell me that you are sorry for abandoning me when I needed you the most, to tell me that I was worthy of love after all of those years you spent telling me that I was worthy of nothing, that I would amount to nothing, and that I was ugly in every sense of the word – inside and out.

I have waited as if I was owed an apology, as if your apology would hold serious weight after all these years. I thought your apology would heal me, I also thought that it would make me love myself just a little bit more.

Your apology would validate my feelings, it would tell me that you take responsibility for some of my pain, and it would make me feel like you regret hurting my soul as much as you did. It would acknowledge that I indeed did not deserve any of it… it would tell me that I was special to you but that you were just too naive to show it properly.

Of course, you never did show up, you never did say sorry and I grew despite this. I learned that I am worthy of it all, I learned that unconditional love comes from within me. Your verbal and physical bruises hardened my heart for some time but they allowed it to soften tenfold when it was ready to mend.

Your attacks allowed me to transform in spiritual ways, in emotional ways, in professional ways, and in physical ways.

Did you know that I am still waiting for your apology?

I know it won’t fix all of the things that were shattered all those years ago but it would let me know that you are not a monster, and by association – that I am not one either. I know it is time to stop waiting for the apology that will never come yet my heart still feels entitled to it; It needs to know that there is a light in you that perhaps was dim back then but is now shining brighter than ever.

Tell me you have changed.

Tell me you now only hold space for love. Tell me that you have grown to be gentle, kind, and aware of your impact on those around you.

I am aware I will wait forever, I am also aware that you don’t owe me this apology after all. The only apology I am owed is the one to me, from me. And while I am not ready to fully accept my own apology just yet – for believing all the things you once made me believe – please know that I have forgiven you and that you are a huge part of my growth as a human.

It is because of you, and possibly your lack of an apology, that I have turned my life around and chosen love over all else.

Dear Person I Never Got an Apology From,

Is it safe to say your heart has learned how to love after all of that hate you once had for yourself finally escaped your body?

Love Deeply and Forever,