Am I Ready To Die?featured

Okay, so my title seems a little morbid, I know. I just watched Kristen Stewart’s movie, Personal Shopper, and really got to thinking about this question. Like my last post said, I just recently found out about the untimely death of someone from my past.

I have dealt with death of grandparents and older relatives but this time it seems much different. Much more personal. After watching this chilling movie about connecting with people after they pass, I really started wondering why the death of an old friend seems so different from all the other deaths I have dealt with.

What’s the difference? I have lost two great friends as a result of their own demise. They have both directly, or indirectly, ended their lives by their own hands. Not only that, but they have done it at a very young age. My age. It could have been me, that’s the difference.

I now understand the reality of it all. Physical existence is finite. Every day I can breathe is a choice and a chance. I might actually not make it ’till tomorrow. My two dear friends didn’t. And here we all were thinking they were happy on this journey and nothing could stand in the way of their promising future.

So, am I ready to die? Is death even something to fear? In the Personal Shopper movie they pose the question of whether the living are more alone than the dead. After really thinking about it, I am not quite sure.

I cried when I heard my friends passed on, but is what they underwent really more painful than life on earth? Should I turn my attitude around and celebrate that they both reside in a happier place where matter is nonexistent?

If I left this earth tomorrow would I be happy with what I left behind? Did I love enough? Did I forgive enough? Did I have fun enough? Did I smile at all the right people? Did I explore all the places I was meant to explore?

Of course, I can’t say anyone can really be ready for death. Not the living or even the dead. I can, however, say one thing. The death of those my age really hits home and makes me realize I must be the best version of myself today.

There’s no need to hold grudges or be upset about mundane things. I must love wholeheartedly as if tomorrow is not promised. I must call my mom and dad just to say, “I love you. Thank you for loving me.”

I must make this earth beautiful for generations to come. And while I hope to have a husband and kids one day, that is not promised. I might never become that version of myself so I must love the version I am today. I must not rush to get to the future because there might not be much of it left.

Today is the future I dreamed of yesterday and I must treasure it above all else. The love in my heart is something I must be thankful for everyday that I am granted on this physical earth.

Tomorrow might not come, but right now is happening as we speak. Let’s make right now the best moment by being the best versions of ourselves. Let’s live like we are ready to die. Or, better yet, let’s live like there are no limits.

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