Do You Know the Secret to All Real Human Connection?featured

My mom would ignore me, walk away, or literally just go about her day like I was invisible.

No parent is perfect. I don’t blame her for my past or present but I do know one thing. I did eventually realize that she would never hear me. At least not like this.

Have you ever felt that way? Like your screaming at the top of your lungs and no one can hear you? How does it make you feel? Helpless? Alone? Invisible?

At some point I stopped the crying and learned to suck it up. Probably not the healthiest. But I made a vow to myself to never feel that kind of invisible again.

Whatever your journey, you might have learned to “suck it up” at some point or another.

Maybe you had a tough breakup. Or someone you deeply loved betrayed you. Whatever the case, you retreated, telling yourself that you would never hurt like that again. What better way to never hurt again than to never put yourself out there again, right?

Wrong.

By doing so you blocked off the possibility of experiencing true and authentic human connection.

So what is the key to connecting deeply with others? And what does it look like?

The key to all human connection is opening up your heart and allowing another person to see its deepest chambers. The ones that you have worked so hard to “suck up” throughout your life in efforts to never hurt again. The parts that you constantly try tame because someone somewhere told you those parts were not valid or important to them.

It’s telling your best friend your darkest secrets. It’s admitting you need help at work. It’s being a teacher who admits to not knowing all the answers. It’s telling your partner they hurt you and explaining the reasons why.

It’s vulnerability.

And while it’s okay to temporarily go into hiatus after a traumatic experience, its not okay to turn it off completely and everything that leads to it in fear of breaking again.

You end up living someone else’s life, someone else’s truth. Or worse yet, leading a life filled with self-hate and self-destruction. Because maybe, just maybe, you can escape yourself and forget about building those walls around your heart for a while.

It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to expose the depths of your heart to those that earn the right to see them. Pain will still come but great love will also show up.

And what better way to live than to live an authentic life filled with love?

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it is strength in knowing exactly who you are and understanding that who you are will lead you to both connection and disconnection.

Love Deeply and Forever,