Have You Seen Taylor Swift’s Documentary?featured

I will preface this with the fact that I am a die-hard #TaylorSwift fan. I have grown up with her and loved her from the very beginning. I have gone through many of the same lessons she has written about and I have always felt a strong sense of connection to her and her music.

As a writer myself, her words hold a certain amount of weight in the midst of my life’s context. Not because they are so eloquent but because they are so simple yet so complex all at the same time.

Okay, her last album was my least favorite of all time, but I will always support her because she is an important part of my evolution; she is part of my constitution.

I waited weeks for the Miss Americana documentary to come out on Netflix and when it did I watched it by myself on a beautiful Friday night. It was much more poetic than I would have ever thought.

There is one particular moment in which I saw myself in Taylor. She described the fact that her entire constitution as a little girl was built on “being good,” being a good girl, a good person, a good citizen. Later in the documentary, she describes when her constitution came tumbling down. That is when she decided to speak up and no longer be the perfect little girl she thought she always would be.

This is a true example of how we can evolve throughout our years on this earth. How our opinions of ourselves and others can drastically shift over time, as we experience different experiences and feel different feelings.

The people who were once your heroes can suddenly become vulnerable, real, and raw while the people you once thought of as cowards can one day become the greatest martyrs you have ever known.

I used to think I would always be good. That the image my parents had of me would never be tainted. I worked hard to hide a lot of parts of me as I grew up. I was attached to my “perfect daughter” image. Without it, I didn’t know what would be left. I was scared if I was found out – what an incredible fraud I was – that I would break my parents. Or worse, break myself.

When I was about 19, my reality caught up with me like Taylor’s. I had never been perfect nor would I ever be. I was fragile and constantly looking for approval by somebody, anybody.

I thought alcohol could help, I thought boys could help, I thought concealing my true self could help.

My parents finally saw me for what I was, a real broken little girl attempting to act like a woman. One that, although was given everything, needed so much more. It felt like my world had fallen apart.

But guess what?

My old world died so that a new and better one could come to be. One that was much more real, authentic and aligned with everything I had ever experienced. One that embraced pain and recognized it as a pillar of strength and growth. One that didn’t hide the truth from the world but rather shared it with hopes of helping it.

My old belief system would no longer serve me after that point and that has made all the difference in my life. I now relentlessly move forward and make mistakes whenever possible so that I can learn what works best and share my experiences with others throughout the process. Because that is what life is, a process.

Now, life can be good even when it’s bad because I am so self-aware – of who I thought I was and who I really am. Of course, there are moments when I want to relapse, but I take a deep breath and remind myself that authenticity and vulnerability are beautiful. The broken parts of me are what make me the best version of myself. People can relate to that. They are what make me more than just a Jane Doe, what make a little bit like Taylor Swift, but what ultimately make me unapologetically and wholly ME.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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