I Became a Leader This Year and This is What it Felt Likefeatured

My career path has not been typical.

I studied Journalism and American Studies in college. I became a staff newswriter, ghostwriter, and a writing coach. I wrote articles, magazine stories, poetry, and academic papers; always with the dream that I would one day move people with my words.

My first real job involved hopping around used car dealerships negotiating sales and contracts. I was good at selling but that was not the dream. Writing the words found inside of Hallmark cards would do.

I continued on my career journey to work in Tech, Avionics, and Wellness. I always supported people but always did so behind the scenes. I trained teams and leaders to propel the company vision forward. I wrote HR, communications, and business strategies. I automated processes to make companies more efficient and communications more effective.

But never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would soon lead a team of creatives, let alone non-writers. I always felt comfortable supporting others from the sidelines, that anonymity felt safe.

I was thrown into a leadership role a little over a year ago. It may have happened on a Thursday, it’s all a blur now. All I remember are feelings of shock, disbelief, and confusion. I wasn’t ready for this… at least not now, I thought.

My boss was the most amazing leader ever.

How could I even try and pick up the pieces? I shuttered at the thought of it.

I missed my north star and there was no time to properly grieve. I had many moments when I thought it would be easier to give up.

I felt the way I imagine parents to feel when they are first handed their newborn, “Am I even old enough to take care of what’s in front of me? Is this even legal?” I thought.

To say that I felt underprepared was an understatement. I just did what I could with what I knew. I had no time to doubt myself as I made decisions. I propelled forward by leveraging historical data and proven processes and making up some new rules and paths along the way.

One thing that I had never felt comfortable doing up to this point that I had to now do (out of survival) was lean on those around me and let them know I was leaning hard. I asked questions, I felt vulnerable as I grasped for the familiar in the darkness.

I have to be honest with you. For a moment, I lost myself. I stopped sleeping as soundly as I used to – always with one eye open. Spoiler alert: I never found the familiar. Leadership is about feeling uncomfortable often.

I learned that leading a creative team takes more than just sharing a plan with them. It involves creating a safe container where people feel comfortable enough to try and try again. A place where they feel they can share ideas – even those wild ones in the name of Creativity with a capital “C.” Oh man, my yoga teacher training tried prepping me for this moment.

I also learned to lead by example as much as possible, no more Miss Sidelines. I love learning, so I do my best to share my passion for it with those around me by doing as much of it as I can every day. I am honest when I just don’t know the answer – let’s make it a team journey! And I try to find joy in the mundane moments as often as I can.

During this whirlwind of a year, I did my best to do what I would have loved my leader to do if I were on my own team. And I also never lost sight of my mission – to support the business in the best way possible every single day.

I woke up many mornings in 2024 uncertain of who I was and where I stood. I still do. But I continue to lean on our brilliant team and I hope the team knows they can always lean on me.

When you lead, it’s hard to be sure that your efforts are being well received. But today, I had someone on my team say that I helped them examine themselves to become a better person inside and out and that my trust in them helped them build trust in their own abilities.

“You don’t ever make us feel dumb or like we don’t know how to do something,” is one of the greatest affirmations I have received to date – as a human, a friend, a colleague, a team member, and a leader.

Love Deeply and Forever,