I Was a Toxic Positivity Addict & Didn’t Even Know it, Are You?featured

You’re having a bad day and you don’t think it can get worse. Your car’s check engine light just turned on, your brother just called to yell at you, and you just stepped in dog poop. Yes, there are such things as bad days and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. This day has gone to hell and you call up a friend for some advice.

Your friend seems busy and half listens to the story about your day. Their response to your vent is, “Well, at least you have a beautiful house and a great job!”

Umm… What? How is that even a response?

Suddenly you feel small. Kinda how you used to feel when you were the last person to be picked for dodgeball in elementary school. Then you start to wonder if you really should just get over yourself.

You just had a tall glass of toxic positivity. It tastes bitter and makes you wonder if anyone has ever felt the way you do now. You wouldn’t take another sip if someone dared you to.

I will admit I was bred to spew toxic positivity. I come from a long line of Hispanic heritage. We know how to smile when we want to cry and our emotions can come off strong even at their most basic levels. But I am not here to blame where I came from.

When I tell someone my story, I am often sharing for the sake of being heard, understood, or just simply validated. While everyone’s journey is unique, I would like to believe we are all connected by the way things make us feel.

I realize I have been the toxic-positive friend. But looking at the bright side is not the solution. Yes, it is important to count our blessings, but sometimes a bad day is just that. If I hear one more person say there is no such thing as bad days, only bad attitudes, I promise I will scream.

Sometimes we get lost in what we are feeling and that is okay. It doesn’t mean we are that feeling but it does mean we are healing humans.

I am doing my best to quit being an addict but the toxic-positive words sometimes still want to escape my mouth. Whether I am talking to myself or to others, I have been programmed to immediately “look at the bright side” or “be thankful for having a roof over your head.”

So what are signs of toxic positivity?

• Hiding painful emotions
• Dismissing your own or others’ difficult feelings
• Ignoring problems
• Repeating positive quotes about negative situations
• Feeling guilty for feeling sad or angry

I have been feeling #5 on the deepest of levels as of late. I rarely share this with others but I have decided to just start sharing with the world because feeling alone is just no fun.

And you know what I found?

People around me are sharing my same feelings. People around me hurt just like me. And while sometimes it may seem like there is no real solution other than just letting the feelings flow through you, we can help each other by not letting the toxic positivity addiction control us.

The other day one of my truest and newest friends asked me the most thought-provoking question I have ever heard after sharing my deepest and darkest secrets with them.

They said, “What can I do to best support you right now? How can I help? Are you looking for solutions or tips?”

And my answer was, “I just want someone to listen and to make me feel like I am not the only one who has felt this way. I want to know I am not crazy for feeling so much.”

They responded in the most honest way possible and that made all the difference. They didn’t tell me to count my blessings or be thankful for the moon and the stars, they told me how they could and could not relate and then told me to take a step back and just breathe.

Let’s all try to be like that friend.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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