I’m Mourning My Pre-Pandemic Life, What About You?featured

Okay, this is not a drill. I get it. This is new life, new normal, new whatever-you-want-to-call-it. It’s not life as we knew it, it’s life as we don’t know it, all unchartered territory. We’re literally all making it up as we go along.

And it’s not pretty…

I’ve lost a lot during this time, haven’t you?

My job, my angel of a kitten, dreams of what could have been. Most recently, I lost something I never even had the chance to really know. Strange, huh? I’m writing in riddles and rhymes because it all hurts. A lot.

The truth is, I’ve only lost things that are and were important parts of my identity, at least in the pre-pandemic world. Some people have lost family. Some people have lost their health. Some people have lost their faith.

No matter what your loss, the pain is here. It surrounds us every day. We’re reminded of it when we’re inside and want to so badly smile bright at someone.

We’re collectively mourning it all. Whether in private or amongst family and friends, we have all lost something that we may never get back. No one’s loss is bigger or smaller than the next person’s, no one needs dare compare what each of us are missing or its magnitude in the scope of it all.

We are all living in a moment where our surrounding circumstances are no longer temporary. We are dealing with the acceptance of this while confronting all the grief that comes along with it. And that is an extreme burden to bear.

Throughout all this, I have seen humans do amazing things. Things that can only be done by shifting pain and grief into courage and action.

I have seen people build businesses, I have seen others adapt to meet forever changing regulations, I have seen them become writers, runners, coaches, and superhero parents and teachers.

The pain is still there and will continue to live inside of us but it is our decision to either let it flow through us or decide to battle it out alongside denial and anger at the great risk of paralysis.

I am often misunderstood behind my mask. My eyes don’t necessarily reflect the rest of my being. One tiny but meaningful moment of frustration as I navigate these present days that look nothing as they 7 months ago. Denial is part of grief. I oftentimes forget my mask in the car and have the urge to hug strangers.

Through this collective grief comes a great realization that we are all humans at our core and all of our shields are down at this very moment. Our vulnerability can be felt in the air and there truly is no room judgment at this time. No judgment of others or ourselves because grief can break you.

There are days when grief takes over my being. Then there are days when I hold its hand and guide it to Step 2 of this journey. And that’s the thing about grief, it takes different on forms at different times but will forever be part of our condition.

There are moments where the tears just keep coming and there are other moments where I listen to other people’s journeys and do my best to give them hope that there will be better moments, not moments empty of grief but moments filled with feelings of courage to simply keep going.

It’s okay to miss our old life. It’s okay to deeply mourn it. It’s okay to look back and carry those wonderful memories with us. It’s also okay to look up and move forward. It’s okay to create and adapt and change our old stories and routines. It’s okay to rewrite everything we thought was written in stone.

Be brave in your vulnerability. Give yourself grace to move through your own grief in the best way that you possibly can and in a way that makes sense for you.

I mourn every day but I also take a moment for gratitude. Perspective is what guides me and keeps me from becoming paralyzed in my own skin.

I miss my old life, I miss our old world but I am deeply grateful to have you all by my side on this absolutely uncertain journey.

I repeat this is not a drill.

It is a challenge and a call to action if you heed to listen closely enough. There will be frustration, anger, confusion, and sadness but there will also be the possibility of rebirth. Grief will always exist but so will strength as we choose to rise from its ashes.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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