My #MeToo Storyfeatured

I guess I have to write about this. I have thought long and hard about why I have to write this but after seeing the movie Bombshell and watching the Morning Show on Apple TV, I realize there is a story that needs to be told.

Not because I am some force that will change the world, but because so far, I have made little impact to lift up women around me. I talk a lot of talk but I walk a different walk and I am finally seeing it so clearly.

When I was 19, I worked in the used car finance business. This was my first “real job.” I was all about making the company’s clients happy. That was literally my job…Pick up contracts, smile, nod, repeat. That was my everyday.

My boss trained me to be tough. He said this world is different than the world you come from so deal with it or get out. Make your skin thicker and you will be invincible, he said.

I had no idea I was stepping into a man’s world, but thinking back how naive was I? I have seen all the movies, prescribed to all the used car salesmen stereotypes through Lifetime movies yet I didn’t want to believe any of it.

I was harassed every single day of my life on the job. Being young and new, I thought I could use this to my advantage; get what I wanted with a bat of an eyelash.

I now see I was so incredibly wrong.

Men would comment on every inch of my appearance. Sometimes it would be my dress or my face, or just the innocence of my smile. I always reacted by not reacting. I would send a coy smile, a unassuming smirk, or a cute little giggle. Sometimes I would play off the comments and make a joke out of it. I mean, I had to deal with this to survive in the business, right?

WRONG.

My inability to act or say anything to end this behavior is an enormous problem. It is why this business has stayed so stagnant from decade to decade. It is why girls show up to the auction in miniskirts and are only taken seriously when in two-piece suits.

I never thought harassment impacted me, mainly because I didn’t ever cry about it or let it really affect me but not every woman is me. And I didn’t speak up for us all. I didn’t spark a positive chain reaction, I simply accepted the way the “business” was supposed to be. I let the words slide off my back and even made these excuses for it: This was just how it was. How it had always been. How it would always be.

Of course it has stayed this way, because of people like me. People who decide that saying nothing is the best response. I will be honest, I didn’t want to lose my job. I didn’t want to be the flaming b**** of a newbie.

But why should I have to ever worry about any of this?

Because I am, above all, a human. Not an object for your amusement, not a girl that needs to be complimented because she got a new dress or because she’s wearing some sparkly new jewelry that draws attention to a certain part of her body.

It was never really that bad, I thought. What a horrible thought. Here I was a self-proclaimed feminist, taking it on my back. Each and everyday, for years.

I was a part of the problem. I was the problem. But I vow to never be quiet again. I vow to not giggle when objectified by any woman or man. For any reason. Superficial or not.

All this time I thought I had never been a victim but I was because I chose to be. I continually took it because I never set any standards for myself or any of those around me.

A lot of the stories I have heard make me angry because of the fact that none of the people let the offenders know they were being offensive. Let me just make something very clear: inaction is a very loud action. If you say or do nothing, do not ever expect anything to change.

The car business is the car business. It is what it is. People are dirtbags. Let them be dirtbags. Boys will be boys. And girls will be girls. Right?

Wrong.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

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