My Skeletons Came Out to Party Before Halloween & Here’s What I Did With Themfeatured

My 35th birthday celebration wouldn’t be complete without an unexpected dose of a blast from my not-so-perfect past. I hit my mid mid-life a few weeks ago and decided I would go extra BIG this year by spoiling myself to no end.

I booked all the flights, the ridiculously lavish hotel… and I was mentally and physically (but what about emotionally?) ready to enjoy a weekend away with my favorite person in the world.

I was especially looking forward to this birthday because it happened to fall on a high school friend’s wedding weekend. I bought the ball gown and all the cute things you need to feel like a cute wedding guest. I am a master travel packer so my suitcase contained everything you would ever need on a trip: the walking shoes, the cocktail dress, the casual brunch cardigan, the mini Bluetooth speaker, the endless toiletries.

One key thing I forgot to pack was a heavy-duty survival kit for meeting up with Old Skeletons. Yes, the spooky kind that hide in the depths of your psychological closet [insert Eminem’s Cleanin’ Out My Closet song here] – the kind that you thought/hoped would ever come out to play with you again – especially on your birthday.

So, there I was… at an extra special welcome wedding party, partying like it was 2005, surrounded by lovely souls who forever impacted my life as we navigated high school together. The nostalgia in the air was so thick I could slurp it right up like a delicious vanilla shake at a Corvette Diner.

My skeletons showed up in the form of an unexpected conversation with a person I hadn’t seen in 15 years. I wished the college version of me was forgettable, but forgettable she was not.

Ahh yes, this lovely person from my past remembered my college skeletons all too well and the person attached to them all – little ol’ me.

As this person spoke to me, all the sounds at this rooftop party muted. I was smack dab in a scene out of a movie I desperately wanted to turn off before it got to the ending. They started talking to me about my skeletons and my eyes filled up with tears.

They said that their chance encounter with me and my skeletons all those years ago changed them forever – and not in the worst way. They told me that they empathized with the girl I was, that she seemed strong, and that they recognized the fact that she was surrounded by people who didn’t love or support her in the way that she deserved – and that she did indeed deserve it all.

This person went on to tell me that “none of it” was my fault and that I was not a bad person. I let out a heavy sigh, as if I had been holding my breath all these years under the impression that I indeed was “bad” because someone once told me and treated me like I was.

It was in this very moment on my 35th birthday that this person standing in front of me validated my entire negative experience as a young girl in a volatile relationship who truly believed love came in the form of someone’s potential.

My skeletons stood right beside me during this cathartic conversation – they held my hand and whispered: “We served our purpose, we were meant to be in your life, you can stop being afraid of us and hiding us, you can now dance with us.”

Suddenly this welcome party became more than I would have ever imagined while I was packing my casual brunch cardigan. These uninvited guests of mine reminded me that I was meant to be in this exact moment, on this exact day, showing up in this exact way.

I shed a lot of emotional weight in the hours that followed – tears showed up but they were the type of tears you’ve been swallowing for decades, the type that bring you relief and sweet comfort. These tears came after another human expressed they saw the good in me all along, skeletons or not. They validated an experience I was told was a mere figment of my imagination.

The power of having someone tell you, “It wasn’t your fault. You are not horrible. I don’t blame you for anything. You deserved better,” is the greatest gift anyone could ever get on a birthday.

Thank you to my skeletons, my friends – and friends of friends (past and present) for holding safe space for me to learn my own lessons, grow in my own way, and heal as a result of all of it.

I finally allowed my skeletons to stand by me, and even dance with me, rather than haunt me like they had been, because a friend of a friend told me my skeletons were not meant to be feared but rather embraced because they have the power to change people.

And while you may be sitting there thinking your darkness is meant to be hidden away never to be visited again… it’s only within that darkness that you can dig up some of the answers you have been searching for in the light for years.

So, go ahead, dig up your skeletons, and invite them to your birthday party or your friend’s wedding welcome party. Their attendance can lead you to the light.

The funny thing about skeletons is that they sometimes show up without notice to remind you not only of how far you have come, but also of how much further you have to go.

Love Deeply and Forever,