Why I Am Not Ready To Be A Momfeatured

I just left my Crossfit class. My legs are most certainly burning, and I definitely feel like I am walking like a baby Bambi.

But that’s not the point! While we prepared to die our usual preferred formula of death today, I noticed a child screaming for their mom. The mom attends my gym often and always with her child in sight. Something to never look forward to, I have always thought.

As we got on our rowers and began our timed workout, the small girl would not stop trying to communicate with her mom who was across the room just trying to get in her “zone.” The mom said, “I have no idea what you are even saying!” So the daughter proceeded to walk up to her mom and interrupt her workout to ask if she could go play in the parking lot. The mom never stopped rowing and said “absolutely not” while still rowing away on her machine.

There I was, fighting my “I don’t wanna do this workout at all” mentality, while this momma fought to stay focused even with her child on her mind and literally in her face.

And this is why I cannot be a mom. I am always so focused on myself that I often forget there are things happening around me. I am self-absorbed in my own little world and I could not raise any child with such a mentality.

There was a certain sweetness in this small moment in time. I began thinking of my mom and all the things she did for me while growing up. Most things left unnoticed or unacknowledged, yet there she was, always making my sister’s, my dad’s and my life better without a single complaint.

My mom was always the true hero of the family. Without her, none of us would be as strong as we are today. This is more of an ode to all the moms in the world. Thank you for raising all those bratty daughters like me and dealing with all the bullshit associated with caring for little humans you have created.

We always had home cooked meals and more than enough clothes to last a lifetime. My mom did more than provide the survival necessities, she built the warmest home I have ever walked into. Her love filled the walls and continues to fill my heart.

I often find myself decorating my home just as my mom did all those years. And that’s the thing about moms, we can’t stand them until we start becoming them. And the more I grow up, the more I realize I am not ready to be selfless and provide daily acts of service that come from the heart.

I have a lot of growing up to do before I can care for a little tiny human but I will start making myself better for those future little humans today.

I will give more, love more and contribute more to the world as a whole. I will work to be selfless, understanding and patient in hopes that I can one day become a momma just like mine and that one at Crossfit.

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