The Lies We Tell Ourselves on Christmasfeatured

Scrolling through social media we see families, dogs, couples, and friends-turned-family gathering ’round the Christmas tree playing games and drinking hot chocolate. I have always loved the holidays and seeing these picture-perfect moments.

But the reality is holidays are nothing like my favorite Hallmark movies. And just because a photo looks flawless doesn’t mean the reality actually was.

I now get why some people would rather fast-forward through the holiday season. I’ve heard what your holiday gatherings were actually like this year. I empathize with the pain you are feeling. I understand you are missing a very important person in your life and the holidays just remind you of this. I tear up thinking that you lost a dynamic you wish you still had and that you are fighting to get it back at this very moment.

I understand some sparkle has dimmed along the way for many of you.

I am right there with you.

As we grow up, loss becomes more commonplace than not. Expectations seem to rise with every passing day, with every scroll of social media or information we are fed through the tv and radio waves. The Christmas facade is nothing more than a bad case of the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome.

I don’t know how long I lived in the bubble of ‘Everything is ok, just eat your holiday pie and smile,’ but I am bursting that bubble today. Everything is not ok, we collectively have not been ok for a very long time.

Yes, we can find joy in those in-between moments, in those friends and family who love us unconditionally, but what about all the pain that still lives within us? Isn’t Christmas all about peace and joy?

So why is it that so much old stuff seems to rise to the surface around this time?

Why is the end of the year a time to evaluate how well this year went when so many of us are just trying to make it through the day without breaking down?

I usually write when I have something insightful to share with you, something that helps me make sense of things, with hopes that it can help you as well… but I don’t have that for you today. I have been thinking about writing this for over a week in hopes that I could come up with a good punchline or epiphany as a result of all of the reflection but I got nothing.

Holidays do not bring everyone joy. If anything, they remind us of all the things that are not and will not ever be perfect.

I am not a grinch nor do I ever intend to be – I made the best of this holiday season and I genuinely laughed and spent quality with all of my favorite humans.

But I also felt a deep sadness

For all of the pain you have shared with me and the pain you may never be able to share with me.

For the state that our world is in.

For the nonstop nonsensical bickering in the air.

I hope your Christmas or holiday season was constructive. I don’t expect that it was perfectly staged like all the photos and the cards we see. But I do hope it was not too painful, but if it was, just know that you are never alone. You have a team around you even if that doesn’t seem painfully obvious to you right now.

We are in this together, we are still mourning together, we are still misunderstanding each other when all we want is to be seen, heard, and understood.

This holiday season I want you to know that it’s okay to not be okay and it’s not okay to pretend that it is when it really isn’t. We all carry around our own burdens and some of those seem heavier around this time than any other time.

Let’s all be aware and sensitive to the fact that holidays can be emotional, difficult, confusing, and chaotic. Let’s make it okay to not be okay. Let’s lean on each other more than ever because meaningful connections are the only truth we can really ever depend on.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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