The Most Important Thing You Should Give to Others That You Probably Never Got Yourselffeatured

I have been learning about “parts” work. This is a lens to see the world through in which you acknowledge the different “parts” of you as individual entities fighting for a place at the table known as your mind.

These parts are defense mechanisms that may have come to be as a result of traumas, situations, and environmental factors that affected you as a small child.

I have found this lens particularly useful in understanding the strange reactions that come up at seemingly random times in life. While my parts often fight to take over my reactions, I have learned that I can train myself to simply let them be, acknowledge they are there, and give them the things they need to continue to serve their purpose on my journey.

May sound a little out there to some, but once I learned this tool in therapy, so much in my life just clicked.

So why am I diving down this therapy rabbit hole with you?

Because ‘parts’ work is something that may or may not work for you… and because I have learned that these parts of us are more often than not just looking for one thing – your compassion

…for you to hold them and tell them it is okay for them to show up, to feel in ways that may seem irrational to the “put together” adult that you are now (or at least were told you need to be).

You may have grown up without compassion in your life. You may have lived a childhood absent of the kind words of encouragement and empowerment tools that you needed to really thrive.

It’s possible that your parents, role models, or people around you were much too hard on you or absent altogether to ever cultivate warmth and compassion within you, or another word I like to call it “grace” may have never been a norm in your life.

Whatever the case was or currently is, one of the greatest downfalls of humanity is the absence of compassion… of giving others grace for being human, for making mistakes, for making promises they thought they could keep, for not knowing the right answer at all times, for trying and failing, for thinking they are genuinly helping when they’re just not.

Compassion may be the very thing you never got, yet the one thing you need to give to others more often than not… the one thing that all the “parts” that live within you need more than anything else.

Recently, a part of me erupted into tears in a public place. My body cried before the rest of my being knew what was going on. I was tired, frustrated, hungry, homesick – all of the things. An old version of me would have continued to cry and curled up in a ball with no end in sight. But this time it was different. I was different.

I offered that scared part of me profound compassion.

I told that part of me that it was okay to cry, that it didn’t always need to appear “perfect” to the outside world even though it was told as a child it needed to put on the perfect facade at all costs.

I felt a warm hug envelop my being.

I held myself with compassion during a painful time, I comforted a part of me that I always tried to hide away, and suddenly…suddenly I was free to feel, to hurt, to be imperfectly perfect. I felt safe in my own body, mind, and soul.

I was able to make every part of me feel safe enough to cry and safe enough to transition into problem-solving mode and propel into action.

Imagine if we could show others this same compassion I showed myself more often than not?

Imagine the magic we could create.

Imagine the love we would spread.

Imagine the change we would make.

[insert famous The Beatles song here]

Of course, it all starts from within. Some of us may need to break old thought patterns to ever show ourselves the grace we deserve. And it’s not until we can show ourselves grace that we can show others that same level of grace.

It can be a lifelong journey but it is one that can change lives, perspectives, relationships, mindsets…and most importantly it can heal hearts. And isn’t that all that we need to grow? Space to be, heal, and learn how to do better.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2023 Karen  Pierik