The Ultimate Betrayalfeatured

I used to think betrayal came from others and for always. It’s a word that society has coined as one person going against another’s wishes. There’s all sorts of movies on Lifetime about it. They usually don’t end too well and they usually have something to do with infidelity. 

I tend to automatically accuse others of betrayal at the slightest sign of disrespect. Maybe it’s because I watched all those Hispanic telenovelas growing up. Or maybe it’s because loyalty and integrity were values instilled in me as the child of a police officer.

Whatever the case, some may call me melodramatic. But that’s because I have always valued my word and those that do not value mine or their own really get under my skin. 

Just like society, I have placed betrayal in this tiny little box, only to be handed to me on a platter by someone far removed from myself. And while I often misinterpret misunderstandings or inconsistencies in character as betrayal, I have always felt I have a good grasp of the concept. 

When I look up the definition of betrayal the answer comes up as the act of being lied to, cheated, or abused by someone you trust.

Who is the one person who can betray you on the deepest level possible? The one person that knows you better than any other human in the universe? The one who can manipulate your heart and mind on a daily basis?

You. 

The ultimate betrayal is betraying YOURSELF.

By not living your best life…By not doing what is best for you…By not doing what feels good, what is right for you. By living out someone else’s life, someone else’s plan for you. Now that is betrayal. And that kind of betrayal will continuously damage your spirit and eat you alive. 

I have betrayed myself.

I have broken every inch of my soul and spirit and with great fervor. I did this for a very long time. It is part of what makes me up, part of my internal narrative.

I betrayed myself by not placing myself above all others, by not valuing myself as a woman – one worthy of love, worthy of it all. 

I had blinders on for years and just couldn’t see the betrayal or chose not to see it. It was more damaging than any betrayal by an outsider, it gnawed at me from the inside out. It was more painful because only I know myself better than anyone else yet I negated everything I was worth.

I wore a shield of betrayal because being a victim within my own skin was so much easier than owning the ugliness that I felt inside as a result of letting the betrayal go on for so long. 

Have you ever betrayed yourself? Are you betraying yourself today? Are you in a relationship because it is the “right” thing to do? Are you living out someone else’s dreams?

If so, it is time to be honest with the one person you are stuck with for the rest of your life-YOU.

Love Deeply and Forever,
Karen 

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