Why Agreeing to Disagree Might not Always Workfeatured

When couples are asked the secret to their successful marriage many often say it takes a lot of “agreeing to disagree.” I have always wondered what they meant, I mean isn’t marriage about working through things together rather than sweeping them under the rug?

I am not married nor do I have the advice to end all be all. I simply want to know the history behind this phrase. Is this really the key to a successful marriage?

I’ve looked up this saying on every website possible but none provides me with any answer or proof that this indeed does work.

A quick google search explains that “agreeing to disagree” means:

Resolution of a conflict whereby all parties tolerate but do not accept the opposing position. It generally occurs when all sides recognise that further conflict would be unnecessary, ineffective or otherwise undesirable.

I am sure marriage takes a lot of work and an equal amount of compromise. But is compromise a good way to go about the big issues? Is agreeing to disagree just a way to evade the truths that lie before you both?

Or is it a way to table issues until both parties are calmer and collected enough to discuss the topic at hand?

I have always been a firm believer in feeling everything and feeling it deeply and openly.

But at what cost?

Is it better to simply agree to disagree sometimes without showing all cards being careful to keep the other person‘s heart in mind?

Is it selfish to show how you feel all the time? Is it better to listen to your partner’s point of view and acknowledge that you will never 100% agree on every front?

I have more questions than I have answers. I always thought feelings ruled all, whether positive or negative. But I might be completely wrong.

Sometimes it’s not all about you and how YOU feel. Sometimes it’s about how you make others feel. I mean, isn’t that what makes people good? The people who often put their feelings aside are those that impact the world on the deepest of levels.

…Of course, being careful not to evade your own feelings altogether is something to be careful of at all times as well.

So what is the key to a successful relationship and healthy problem solving? To agree to disagree? Or to lay it all on the table knowing that you might say something you might regret?

You tell me.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen