Why Going On a Yoga Retreat Made Me Sick to My Stomachfeatured

I got an email blast about an IRL yoga retreat that happening soon in Mexico. With so much time spent away from people during quarantine, I got really excited about the idea of spending 3 days in a resort in Mexico, with a group of people, doing one of the things I love most – Yoga.

I went back and forth about it for months until I finally made the call, I was for sure going to this retreat and I was for sure going to have the best time ever.

I packed up my bags on a Thursday night. I felt just like I did the night before 6th-grade summer camp. Nervous, excited, and jittery. I could barely sleep.

I mean, would I wake up in time?

Would the bus leave without me?

I made it on the bus, along with 40 other people, and we made it successfully across the border. We arrived at the resort and it was time to get to work.

We went through a powerful yoga flow. There was music, there were lyrics. And by the end of this first class, I was on the verge of tears. I felt like myself, but then again, I felt like I had been detached from myself for some time.

We were to do 6 yoga classes over the next couple of days. I had never practiced so hard but yoga has always liberated me, grounded me, fed my heart and soul. The rest of the classes would make me happy.

Or so I thought.

I attended yoga class 2, by yoga class 3, I was bursting wide open. My heart was opening up and telling me it was time to give myself grace. To forgive myself for being human, for having flaws, for not always living up to my very own high and unrealistic expectations.

Without realizing it, I had been punishing myself with my own negative self-talk. On the verge of life-altering changes while navigating through a pandemic, I was nervous and felt unworthy of the path I was forging for myself. I was experiencing imposter syndrome at its finest.

I was in the midst of deep spiritual work happening deep within myself. My mom was with me but that didn’t make the experience any less painful, if anything, it made it even more intense. To have the woman who knows you better than yourself experiencing something so special right next to you, well, that added a whole other layer to this whole experience.

Yoga class 4 took a bit of a turn but I was now officially emotionally exhausted.

Every moment of this retreat felt as though someone was holding up a magnifying mirror to my face as I practiced. While I admire who I have become, staring at your reflection for too long can be painful and uncomfortable.

I kept staring at myself until I finally made it to the final day of the retreat. We celebrated the last class. I survived this deeply meaningful experience.

I made it home on a Sunday night. I went to bed feeling accomplished and grateful that I learned so much over the last few days. But I also felt fragile and sick. My stomach was out of sorts.

A day passed and I suddenly couldn’t keep food down. I threw up until there was nothing left. The spiritual detox led to a physical detox. They say mind, body, and soul are connected, don’t they? Well, this retreat was more proof than I needed. It wasn’t until my body fully recovered that I knew I had undergone a complete transformation.

The retreat wasn’t meant to be fun. It was meant to enlighten me.

And while I was surrounded by many people, I had never experienced such solitude. I was free to feel all that was trapped within my body. The whole experience was intimately beautiful. Dare I even call it poetic. Yes, it was painful but it was exactly what I needed to reprogram my thought patterns and purge all that was begging to escape my body.

Here I thought I had signed up for something to help me escape my world when in reality my world had decided it was time for me to live in unison with. To my great surprise, everywhere you go… there you are.

And now I can finally breathe again.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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