Why I Shook When the Earth Quakedfeatured

I used to think I wouldn’t live a day past 30. Well, Here I am a little over a month before my 30th birthday and I am thinking I was terribly wrong.

There used to be something romantic about living a short but intense life but the older I get the sillier and stranger this is starting to sound.

I was alone when the first earthquake hit. I was sitting on the couch thinking my cat was jumping around my head making the couch move. I yelled his name but he was nowhere to be found. Ha Ha, the joke was on me as our pendant lighting shook from side to side.

It seemed like a scene out of Final Destination. I closed my eyes until our house collapsed. Of course it never did but it certainly felt like that was the next logical step. In my defense, I can’t really remember the last time I felt an earthquake.

In this moment all I could think was: “I am not ready.” I have so many more places and people to see. I just got married and thought I would have a pair of kids to watch and grow during my lifetime. Oh, and that one conflict from my past, I thought I would finally resolve it and have some real closure.

My life flashed before my eyes in the matter of seconds. People ask me if I felt the earthquakes and I sure did. This first one felt like an eternity and led to the most dramatic existential crisis you can ever imagine as I realized it was more than just a cat on my head.

I was watching a horror movie with my husband during the second one. The same thoughts came to mind. He laughed and I almost cried during this tremor. I couldn’t understand what was so funny about not being in control of the earth’s demise.

Of course, most things we think we have control over comes from a heightened sense of perception but the earth shaking seems so completely out of my realm it scared the shit out me.

It’s hard to wrap your head around natural disasters like earthquakes. There are no warning signs, no chance to say goodbye in case it is the big one. No chance to prepare or make sure your loved ones are safe.

This terrified me more than I ever thought possible. I don’t know if it’s because my family has grown or because I am simply getting older but I have never been so scared. It was like being on a slow motion roller coaster waiting for the big drop but it just never coming.

I think of myself as brave but in these moments I felt so small and insignificant as I literally trembled in my boots. It dawned on me that I have some unresolved issues I need to deal with sooner rather than later.

That was the scariest part. Leaving this world with incomplete chapters in the book of my life.

Sometimes it takes these little wake up calls to remind us that life is short. That we should apologize before we go to bed tonight. That we should call our loved ones just to say “I love you” as often as possible. That we should look at every moment as a gift with no return receipt.

I am choosing to not wait until the next earthquake hits. I will value everything and everyone around me on a daily basis as hard as I possibly can. And if I don’t have the ending I thought I would have, so what? I made the best of what I was given and loved with all my heart. And that will always and forever be enough.

Love,

Karen

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