Why You Shouldn’t Tell Me to “Just Be Positive”featured

I have had a rough couple of weeks. I have gone to dark places more often and for longer amounts of time than usual. I tried pulling myself out to no avail. And that is okay. I am not here to cry about it to you. I have already done that.

During the moments of darkness, I tried all the usual things – the super deep breaths, ALL the yoga, connecting with humans, working out, getting massages, and going for walks. None of those things brought me clarity.

My mind was too cluttered, and my heart much too fragile to even find joy in the present moment.

It happens.

Sometimes we step out of the routine and the sadness comes, sometimes it’s because of the routine that the sadness comes. And during these cycles of feeling down, there was one phrase I didn’t want to hear, the same one that has never comforted me. Yep, it is in the title of this blog post: “Just be positive.”

No, I could not just be “positive” during these days.

I had to feel all the feelings, exhale out all the B.S., vent incessantly, and feel sad because I was feeling angry and feel angry because I was feeling sad. If someone even dared say those “Just be positive” words to me during this time, I am pretty sure I would have exploded.

What is it about these specific words that bothers me so much?

Telling someone to be positive when they are experiencing depression or crippling anxiety sounds like a toxic positive tactic. My friend Google says toxic positivity is a “belief that rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade.” Yes, you can smile when you’re not feeling great and sometimes feel your mood shift slightly. But if you are simply not feeling “it” that is valid and okay. You can stay right where you are for as long as you need.

Next time you feel like saying “just BE positive” I challenge you to instead say “just DO positive.” After you allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, go immerse yourself in things that fill you with excitement, love, curiosity, and passion. And while you might not feel better right away, doing positive things can help tranform thoughts and feelings.

I spent a few days alone with my dark thoughts until I realized that I could only turn my mood around if I did more of the things that felt positive for me.  It took a lot of “doing positive” for me to come out on the other side but I am halfway there. I am not 100% but I feel myself recovering from sad land.

Taking a moment to just sit with the negative parts of me was key. It was then that we all decided that we didn’t like each other one bit and needed to recruit the more positive parts of me.

One new thing I discovered on this heaviness-to-lightness journey is that asking people what brings them joy inspires me to embody positivity. Seeing people’s eyes light up about the things that make them feel ooey and gooey inside is a potent anecdote for me. Sharing joy is spreading joy.

So, Stop. Drop. And whatever you do… do NOT tell me to just be positive.

Love Deeply and Forever,